I, myself, had my own doubts about the coming holiday. Although there were already dozens of presents beneath the tree, I had not noticed a single one in the shape of the gift I most wanted: Tony Orlando and Dawn's Tie a Yellow 'Round the Old Oak Tree. If I did not get this album, I had no reason to live. And yet there were nothing flat and square under the tree. There were plenty of puffy things - sweaters, shirts with built-in vests, and the bell-bottom polyester slacks I loved, maybe even a pair of platform shoes - but without that record, there might as well be no Christmas.

Augusten Burroughs, Running with Scissors (277)